12/12/05 – 18/12/05 Cambodia->Vietnam-> Australia (Update #6)

Here's the last of the updates.. be warned its long … designed to kill your boredom in work or at home, or maybe on a bus (for you Deco)

12/12/05 Cambodia -> Vietnam

The morning was spent deciding where to go next. A choice between spending 3 days in Laos or heading to North Vietnam. We took the decision to go to Hanoi and Halong bay as it sounded more interesting. It's great to just wake up and decide on a country. The tickets cost about 70 euro and were in the back pocket before lunch.

Although there were still more temples to see here I think we had our fill. The more remote temples held a promise of beauty, but the threat of land mines too. I could do without the pleasure…and the pain.

Little kids occupy the streets here begging. You see them so happy with their friends playing and the second they see you.. well, the face just drops and the hands come out.. "ohh please mister.. please mam". You've got to hand it to them (no.. not your money) for their acting ability. If only these kids were on the TV instead of that Khmer Chris Rock. After telling them to cut the crap you do get great fun out of them. They open up to you which makes it even harder to say no. They'll play this game with you that if they can name the capital of a country you give them money.. " Ireland" I said.. "Daablin".. sh1t.. the little bast1d had me.. time for one last trick.. "no it's Cark boy" .. he looked bemused but it wasn't my fault he got it wrong and I was happy knowing an army of red necks would back me up on this one (Sylvia Buckley being one of them..Happy Birthday red neck!!).. so I nipped off while he thought about it.


Supposedly Its good to wash your hands after the toilet.. not here !!. Be warned you can end up in hospital… just like we did. Stuck on a bed beside Kelly going over the stupid choices I'd made today, and this was another one.. going second. I watched them plunge that needle into her arm while she looked away..then the blood came out filling a bag.. Oh god how I hate needles and I knew thing the size of a Mcdonald's straw was going into my arm next.

The first stupid decision I made was coming in here, but this was Kelly's fault. She had a stupid smile on her face when we came out of the restaurant toilets and I knew she had read the same poster as I did, it was just above the wash basin( I repeat don't wash your hands here). The caption "It doesn't cost money to give blood" sold it for her where as I thought.. ahh that's nice, fair play to them. I pulled out every stop I could to get out of it.. "we'll miss our flight .. the needles aren't clean.. can't go, forgot me lunch" but the girl with the red neck surname wouldn't let me away with it. "Think of those children !", damn those little adorable sh*ts, why did the people here have to be so nice.

And although I didn't enjoy Kelly laughing at me as they launched that torpedo into my arm, the nice plaster at the end of it all made me feel better. (and allowed me to show off my war wound later, whilst pretending not to).. to the airport, Vietnam.



13/12/05 – Vietnam (Hanoi)

I'd like to say it was a welcoming return to Vietnam but we were far from welcome last night. Being placed under house arrest is not the start you look for. The re-entry visa that we had paid for in Ho Chi Minh (which I will now refer to as Saigon) wasn't recognised by the immigration officers in Hanoi. There were a number of issues to sort out with the visa. Of course it took 3 hours to get any information out of them. One source said it was because of the crease in the paper over a date of birth, another said it was had gotten wet ???, the next said we had a photocopy and they wanted the original… How do you get around that one with a fax machine ?

I can remember going in to get my injections in Dublin before travelling. I told the Dr we'd be going to south Vietnam and possibly the north. I was differentiating between the two, to root out possible diseases and maybe save an injection in the process. He laughed smugly and told me "thankfully there's no north and south Vietnam any more they're one country.. huh huh huh". Oh yeah mr god complex, all wise and mighty …well get over here and explain that to the immigration officers. That a re-entry visa issued from Saigon should be ok in the north. And while you're at it maybe explain why Vietnam airlines in the south were offering to put us up in a hotel complementary while the northern office wanted money. A dilapidated hotel at that. So as we came back to the airport this morning to receive our clearance, having been told by the Saigon tour agent to slip money inside the passport then later not to, I was wondering what next. No issues this morning but we left the airport a little peeved on the time lost… read on please.



Pulling up outside our "chosen" hostel this morning 2 men immediately seized us at the taxi door, saying "hostel full". I took an immediate dislike to them. Sensing something funny was going on I told Kelly to go in to the desk and check. I suspected them to be ushers for another hotel, but they went inside behind the desk with her. As I followed Kelly inside I heard her asking where their lift was. They made gestures that it was out of order round the back, I suddenly copped what was going on, and ran back out to the road to check the street name. You see there are no copyright laws over here so people can open up hotels with the same name as reputable one and the taxi men are in on the scam too, bringing tourist to the wrong place.

A battle then occurred, between Kelly and myself, climbing over each other trying to get hold of the taxi drivers neck. I won the battle, ordering him not to mess with me and bring me to the right hotel so Kelly took the duty of screaming at the other 2 and the customary slamming of a car door.

We were delighted with our work, and ecstatic later when we foiled the scam against another couple. They were taking a pasting from us..serves them right for having a stupid northern divide.

Needless to say they weren't pleased with us at all and 2 of them came after us on a moped, threatening us "f**k you" and slicing a finger across the neck.. I saw red again and went for the mouth on the back of the bike sticking fist to face, he shut up and Kelly pushed me away. So I turned my attention to the driver and they turned off. Now I know I've just made myself sound macho there so allow me to tell you for once I was punching below my weight. So I was only too happy to throw my new found heavyweight status around. Of course 2 mins later I began to wonder who and how many people we messed with so we got offside.


14/12/05 – Hanoi to Halong Bay

Our trip to Halong bay began with a pick up from the hostel at 8 with a lovely Vietnamese guide. She was so sweet and timid I reckon the whole bus wanted to run up to her and give her a hug to tell her everything was going to be ok. Of course they would have retreated double fast when she turned around to sing us her rendition of "Melly Clistmas".. ahh the innocence. Halong Bay was about 3 hours away from Hanoi so we stopped off for food half way. Upon returning to the coach this was the guides mark for her joke. "ok prease.. If anyone is not back on the bus prease raise your hand" and off she went into hysterics.

Along the road journey there was a pig on the back of a moped. He wasn't sitting up and holding on, he was on his back, belly up in a sunbathing position. The vibrations from the road were shaking his belly, he must have thought he was on a massage chair. I could have sworn he was smiling. Well he looked as happy as a pig...eh..erm.. pig on the back of a motorbike ?? We overtook the farmer and pig and later saw where they were going to end up.. lap it up on that chair and keep smiling piggy !! Lets just say, only one of you were going home on the moped. I know some animals lovers out there are thinking maybe it was the pig… yep..sure.

Saw the end of another driver's career. A motorbike was stuck under the wheel of a truck where a crowd had gathered around a raised blanket on the ground. Never looks good.

Halong bay itself was scenic. Mountains and rocks raising up out of the water, caves to explore and floating villages with kids bashing each other with oars. I was impressed with my accurate guess about a James bond movie being filmed here.( Confirmed later by a nice yank). The weather wasn't great though, poor visability and the tour over ran by a few hours. Got talking to another Australian couple. The bruce was dying to get his dig in on the Iraqi war so the yank could hear. They really don't care who they upset. They wished us well on our travels and warned us on the spanner water in Melbourne.. "cos it tightens yer nuts !!" .. I replied with my usual "3 adams apples joke", I have to get some new material for that situation, you'd be surprised how often it comes up!!


15/12/05 Hanoi -> Saigon

The short but ample stay in communist, North Vietnam (no offence Doc) came to an end today. No real regrets about the time lost in the airport as there's not a whole lot to see in Hanoi. We were looking forward to getting back to Saigon. Most reports say this city is worse.. but the text book isn't always like the real world. We landed with an air of confidence this time around knowing our way about. 2 english lads must have sensed it because we ended up sharing a taxi with them into town, and made sure they didn't get ripped off with change like us the last time. Another small victory.

Arranged to meet up with them later at an Irish bar.(We never go to Irish bars I swear) Oh how to describe it without the words tacky.. here goes. The first thing we saw in this pub was a clip from a newspaper with the headline "not like an Irish bar in New York".. need I go on !?! This was a brainwashing technique without doubt, a Jedi mind trick because it was the first thing we thought of. The second thought was to leave, but we wanted to meet the lads. So we sat through the worst ever, constipated performance from a guitar player (who was from New York incidentally!!). It wasn't even his singing or fear of his veined bright red head exploding, it was also his choice of songs. How could you pick "Dr who,eh, the tardis" and expect an audience. But he thought he was the cheese, to be a nice critic it was more like someone cut the cheese. His Asian accomplice clearly hadn't read the same idiots guide to murder music as he definitely had talent. Of course the sergeant major would drown him out. Quickly sculling the drink to numb the pain we began laughing at the performance and the Asian (George Hallison) joined in too. Before too long (didn't seem too long anyway) Chris and Kevin showed. I was half shot. So when a local offered us more drink in his pub at closing I was only too happy to follow. I heard Kevin say "oh I've got a bad feeling about this"..I couldn't work out why, until that was, we were inside. Kelly was offered a massage and the lads asked if they wanted a girl to sit with them. Honestly mam, this was the first time I was in a knocking shop I swear.. and I didn't inhale either. I apologised for leading everyone there and then ordered a drink.. when in Rome !! It was an experience after all.. the rest was a blur. I can't really remember much of it but as we were leaving we passed through about 30 girls just waiting downstairs. Kelly and the lads promised we'd be back tomorrow with all our friends, she said their faces lit up.



16/12/05 – Saigon (Kelly's Birthday)


Woke up early to write Kelly's card. I must have set the alarm for this reason, only I discovered quite early into the eye opening ceremony that I had already written the card the previous night. Found the card in the bathroom along with the envelope. Obviously I had a plan last night but don't ask me what it was. Wished Kelly a happy birthday and for about an hour I thought everything was ok. Then the hangover set in. It's funny when you are travelling because the first thing you do is blame the drink on your illness. Not like at home when you blame the kebab and not the 12 pints before it. Total opposite way around. The reason being if its not the drink then you're in trouble..food poisoning ? Malaria ? No,no no, sure you can't be off the road for more than a day.

Put in an oscar winning performance on how content I was to be shopping. Then went for a lovely birthday meal in the Sheraton, very plush. The staff sang happy birthday to Kelly so she was delighted. Happy in her nappy.

The hostess (Ha was her name) had studied in Europe and had a degree in management. She was lovely and so intelligent but she was stuck at the restaurant. She has to wait for recognition from seniors before moving up in the hotel business. Later downstairs Kelly wrote a letter to the hotel manager praising her, so this should help her.( We got an email a days later from Ha saying the manager went up to meet her and showed her the letter and was going to meet with her to discuss a move so we were delighted it worked)

Back to the same pub as last night, the "genuine" Irish bar. A few blanks were filled in on the night before thanks to the English lads.

The owner of the bar was a vocal chameleon of some kind. He was sitting with American's and we could hear his American accent, yet later when he talked to us he switched word by word to an Irish one. A poor one at that. He kept dodging an answer to the question of his origin. Im on to you Mr.. and I don't like it.. now fetch me another beer before I change my mind.


17- 18 /12/06 Vietnam -> Singapore -> Australia (Melbourne)

Today started with excitement of the journey to Australia. There was time for a last minutes bit of shopping down the market. No prises for guessing who wanted to do this. Got involved in a haggle over a dress to the amount of 1 euro. Obviously the dress wasn't for me( I swear !) but I couldn't help but join in the debate that we eventually lost. You just hate handing out money when you know you could have done better, even if it is pittance.

So we left Asia behind courtesy of Singapore airlines again. It was a fitting end to a brilliant 6 weeks of travel. Each country had its own beauty and its hard to pick out a favourite part. India was just amazing and ill definitely go back again, Sri Lanka was a cool place and the people in Vietnam(mainly south) and Cambodia were so friendly. Each country was amazing and id recommend them to anyone.

Of course you begin to realise just what you left behind when you touchdown in Australia. You don't even get a smile for your money at a hostel never mind breakfast. I think ill miss that the most. That, and the fact of money lasting so much longer.

It wasn't the ideal start to Australia, and it was a cold 17 degrees( honestly that feels cold now!) Flying into Melbourne I thought I spotted Ramsey street, then I realised everywhere looks like Ramsey Stret. We couldn't check in to our rooms until 1pm so our jetlagged bodies had to find something to do for 6 hours. More shopping.. how wonderful. But then came the sleep… ahh the sleep ..


So there you have the last of the updates in Asia. Melbourne was cool, spent 3 days there.Caught up with the spence fella and his "missus" before flying to Sydney.
Im doing up a blog at the moment so ill post new updates on that . It'll have pictures which would probably be easier on you than my typing. I'd imagine it'll be at gavinharmon.com or something like that so ill email when it's up. Hope you're all well and sorry once again for falling so far behind.. been busy.