12/07/02 - 30/07/02 Hervey Bay -> Sydney

G’day to all my little homies, wherever you may be…. Well I think its about
time for another update. It’s been hard to find the time to getting around
to sending them as I’ve such a busy schedule !! but I trust you couldn’t
really give a sh*t when you get the mails so here’s another one.

All replies welcome, no mail to big, no thoughts too small !!


12/07/02 Hervey Bay -> surfers paradise

Well fresh from the Frazer experience we were traveling thru Brisbane to get
to surfers paradise so we could meet up with Mr.Gav Connolly. We’ll double
back later to “Brissie” to get a proper look later.
But for now Kelly stopped off to get the hair done. I was tempted to go in
myself but for the money they were charging I think it would be better spent
on a plastic surgeon.
Of course I planned on keeping myself busy for 4 hours in an internet café ,
but there wasn’t any. Plan 2 would have involved going to the cinema but I
had just missed every show by about half an hour.
Plan 3 wasn’t thought about, but it ended up being a long walk many times
around the shopping center.
Got to surfers with Berti , Kelly and hair. And isn’t it only gorgeous,
Kellys hair that is!!
Met up with Gav and his girlfriend Tonya. It was good to see Gav !!!

13/07/02 Water World…I’ve seen dry land it’s not a myth !!

woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head. Yes welcome to
another day in the life . today is sea world day. Home to animals of the
sea, surprise, surprise !!
All the usual shows applied here, good entertainment! Well actually it was
crap and very touristy but I’ve bought a pass to 3 theme parks so I have to
go along with it.
Hindsight told me that I would have been better off at the beach trying to
surf. It’s a really beautiful beach and has good surf but the surrounding
area is really tacky.
Back to camp krusty caravan park where anyone over the age 102 (which
accounts for 92% of the camp site population ) thinks that they are funny
when they ask if we have brought any bombs with us. Then under the same
breath try to claim that they are Irish themselves. I get a lot of pleasure
out of asking for their surnames, only to tell them that they’re actually of
English decent with a name like that. I cant seem to get away with something
like O’Malley but I tie it in with the story of plantations and the flight
of the earls and give them some spiel about home that name was introduced to
Ireland. The thoughts of being part English absolutely kills the Ozzies.
Well if that doesn’t, the bomb that I brought will !!

14/07/02 Warner Bros Theme park.

This park outshone water world or sea world of whatever it’s called. Plenty
of rides such as the new Scooby doo, wild wild west, Batman and Lethal
weapon. 10 mins after lethal weapon I got a smack to the system. I was
walking around, no bother; happy as Larry, Peter or whoever was happy, when
it just hit me. I don’t know of anyone in the world who has a brain that
takes 10 mins to register that they’ve just been dragged by the a*se ,
turned upside-down around a theme park. To give myself credit, it was some
g-force, and to take that credit away again can I just add that I was the
only one who was affected by it.
Talk about a delayed reaction though.
After a long debate between the left side and the right side it was
eventually concluded that it was my head that had shot through my hole and
so I received the gift of motion sickness !! Took me about 2 hours to come
around.

Met Harry potter, what a toss*r !! Stared at Cat woman while trying to
figure out if the suit she was wearing was paint or just a tight fit..
Mighty impressive !!

15/07/02
Today was a day of rest and peace. Gav C went to the cinema with Tony a and
myself and Kelly went looking for warm clothes as temp at night drops
dramatically. Hung around the dads army site where I discovered clear
evidence of human cloning taking place.
Behold the new super race evolving …“The Israelis” Designed on the
cockroach with stern backs, brown beedy eyes and fully equipped with strong
pubic heads of hair( obviously for picking up radio signals and relaying
messages).
Some of them try to look different by gelling or tying back their hair,
while others seems to try plucking their eyebrows. This approach isn’t too
popular, as although it does give them a more defined shape to the brow, it
ends up looking like tootsie gone wrong !! The must be over here testing
their resistance to heat or something like that. I’m sure army intelligence
is aware of their presence !!

16/07/02 Surfers -> Brisbane
Well Gav snr is leaving today and just to make sure that Tonya is too we’ve
decided to drop them up to Brisbane. As well as that we will get to have an
ickle look at the place.
………

Back from Bris after a short spurt and I don’t see any need to go back there
again. Parking the van alone cost $14 an hour and like all the other cities
in Oz, its condensed into one main street for shopping all the rest are high
rise buildings. As I don’t plan on working there, it’s all I needed to see.
In any case Gomez are playing byron bay this weekend so its suits us to keep
on going. But before we can leave surfers we have one more theme park paid
for so it would be a waste not to go.

17/07/02 Wet N’ Wild
Well actually It was a waste TO go. Wet N wild…the only thing wild was the
price. If we lasted more than 3 hrs there it would be news to me. Anyway its
done now and leaves the road open to head to Byron.
Went to the cinema to see a film called “Last orders”, its set in England.
Don’t know how im gonna cope with the weather at home again, became
depressed just looking at the screen.

18/07/02 Surfers -> Byron Bay
Well it wasn’t one of the greatest days so far. After hearing everyone rave
on about Byron bay ( from Port Douglas right down to Surfers) I should have
known not to believe the hype. Built up to be a vibrant town full of great
bands playing every night and home to some really great people. !! Yeah
whatever you’re smokin’ mate !

What this place really is a shabby town full of wanna be hippies…the type
that try too hard to be different. The irony here is that there are so many
people like this, that they all end up looking the same. And of course good
ol Gav and co end up looking the dogs because we look different…well I call
it normal but its different to these freaks.
The bands playing are sh*t but no one wants to admit this because that would
mean that you have failed to notice the artistic genius and hidden talent
trying to escape in the songs. It was like the emperors new clothes.
I think I noticed that the talent was well hidden, anyway !!
To top it off Gomez is sold out so I don’t really have a purpose for being
here.

On the bright side of things, we’ve met up with the swiss girls from the
Frazer trip so we have had a good laugh with them.
Discovered more evidence of Anthony’s closet feelings. The girls were
rooming with him and they said that he didn’t look at them once when they
were coming out of the shower in their underwear. Kelly didn’t think that
this was more proof, insisting that I would extend the same courtesy.
Tom the cabin boy smiled and said nothing !!

19/07/02 Surfs up dudes

Took a surf lesson today with the two swiss girls while Kelly nursed a
hangover on the beach. The instructor was more stoned than Mary Magdalene,
don’t know how he was meant to instruct us but he did and I got up on the
board first go. I felt like a real ‘dude’ at last.
The Instructor dude , threw his hands in the air and pointed them at my
direction, the Gav dude, he made it look like he was spiderman casting a web
and shouted that immortal word DUDE !! I neary pi**ed myself laughing
because this DUDE was serious.
None the less the GAV DUDE has arrived !!

20/07/02 Byron bay -> Tweed heads
I thought the Israeli bug was spreading as there was another 5 of the
soldiers walking around. But then I realized that it was in fact the same
blokes from surfers…or at least I think they were.
Departed from Byron bay after a stop off at the light house, where we could
see schools of Dolphins more humpback whales and some turtles out at sea.

Got to tweed heads where my cousins live but everyone was unavailable
tonight so tomorrow is another day.

21/07/02

As there is a house at tweed heads, it was offered to us for as long as we
want. Which is great as some much needed washing can get done while
squeezing in some T.V. in between.
Called up to cous. Christine who lives out in the sticks next to a tone
called nimbin whos local produce is grass. She waiting on her house to be
built and for now lives in a shack where the wind and all other element can
flow freely through the house. I dont know how she gets by but she does.
During the summer she couldn't sleep one night because there was a carpet
snake in her room. (I dont know what he was doing there as there isn't a
yard of carpet to be seen) Anyway if that wasn't bad enough the snake was
waiting to snare a field rat. She kept waking up seeing the snake overhead
slowly moving down a beem.
Eventually he hit his target, somewhere between the bed and her dresser!!
Now that's what you call wildlife on one.
I dont think we are quite up to Christine’s standards yet, as after two
small (but potentially poisonous) spiders were spotted in the house at tweed
heads, we moved outside to sleep in Berti !! I swear they looked slightly
agitated !! Honest !!

22/07/02 –23/07/02
Caught up on life and stuff with the cousins, got fed like a king. I think
ill be ringing every week for some recipes.
Of course no trip at a family members, goes without a nixer on their
computer. Happens all the time.
Picked up some tips for surfing, and split.

24/07/02 Tweed heads -> Port McQuarie
The journey to Sydney starts today and we drove as long as we could before
stopping off at Port McQuarie.
We’re anxious to start work now so we can build up the reserves again and
continue with the travels.

25/07/02 Port McQuarie -> Sydney
A short 4 hour drive was all that remained before the target was reached.
This signals the end of the road trip for now and possibly the updates as I
cant imagine the city providing too many interesting stories… but ill see
how it goes.
There are a couple of things that I wont miss. For a start it will be nice
to get a break from the radio as all the play is grunge metal. At any one
point you can only tune in a max of two stations, and you can be guaranteed
that the other station will either be playing Enrique double glazing or
Shakira
I prefer Enrique’s videos better for some reason. He seems to cater for both
male and femail audiences… and Anthony !!

Got to Sydney and heard that the harbour bridge and the Opera house looked
beautiful. I couldn’t see them as I was concentrating on the driving, doing
the best to keep Berti the investment safe.

And here we are at Bondi !
Bondi beach, world renowned !! So famous that bay watch wanted to film here.
And the reason bing… I have absolutely no idea.
What a lot of people probably don’t realise is that “bondi” is actually
aborigine for “Bray with surf”. Theres no other way to describe it. That not
to put Bray down, but at least we don’t harp on about the place!

26/07/02
First impressions of Sydney are of dissapointment. I don’t really know what
I was expecting..maybe futuristic buildings or flying cars but certainly not
this. It’s just like London or Dublin or any other city I suppose.
Spent the day getting clothes for Kelly as Marsha (my sister of course) has
got a job lined up where she works. Im gonna be the bum for now while
Buckley is the bread winner.

27/07/02 - Met up with the lads we had previously met in Thailand. Had to
tell myself 20 times “it’s not that bad” before I could leave the hostel. I
think it’ll be better when we have a place of our own and more settled

28/07/02 – Met up with mates from back home and went on a Sunday bender

29/07/02 – Met Marsha and looked for apartments..nothing else of interest

30/07/02 –
Today was dull and raining. And when it rains you cant wear sun glasses. But
why is that important you may ask ? Here’s why…
As Kelly is starting a job tomorrow with Marsha at this upmarket
beautician’s/ plastic surgeons Clinic or whatever it is.. she had to go in
for an induction day. And I (regrettably) decided to go in with her. The day
started off well..Kelly was getting trained in while I sat in the back and
read the property section picking out somewhere nice to stay.
As Dave of Leary would say, At the end of the day, it was time to leave. But
one of the girls who worked here had spotted the slight two toned colour in
my eye lashes and wouldn’t let me leave with “fixing” them.. and fix it she
did. to use 'fix' one more time she had become fixated with them.
All I had to do was say no thanks and leave. But I said no thanks and
listened to her, Kelly and Marsha after that… within 2 mins I was lying down
on a treatment table.
I felt like the elephant man being unveiled when they took the strips off my
eyes.. and deafening laughter is not the kind of response I was looking for.
No sir !!
I personally don’t have a problem distinguishing between the colours blue
and brown, but this girl did.
And so I looked like I was wearing blue eyeliner. In fact I think I looked
just like the German porn star look-a-like’s I was talking with last month.
I had become exactly like the same people that I was slagging off. I looked
like Anthony feels.. extremely g*y.
Worse news was to follow, this stuff doesn’t come off….for two months. They
tried to correct the error but it didn’t work. At this stage I was beginning
to feel violated !
I had to look up a phone book to find a place that corrects these mistakes….
And I had to walk there. WITHOUT SUNGLASSES ON BECAUSE IT WAS DULL AND
RAINING !!
Still without a job, how could any employer take me seriously, those that
would hire me now, I wouldn’t want to. I cant work on a building site either
for fear of my life.
Anyway, I got to the correction place and brought my tomato head in with me.
All was (almost) well 20 mins later.
I now have a brown eyeliner look, that’s not noticeable… well to anyone that
doesn’t know me !!

Well that’s all for me… your violated friend

The Gav Dude