29/06/02 - 11/06/02 Hervey Bay - Frazer Island

29/06/02-
The frazer trip has to wait as Kelly is a bit sick... as well as that the
world cup final is on tomorrow night so it ties in nicely. Moved to Frazer
escape campsite/hostel for $5 a night.

30/06/02 -

There were two mad hatters staying in the doorms we moved into..from
Limerick. They were delighted to talk to us as they missed the Irish
sarcasm...and im sure it missed them!!
Although we have paid for a trip to Frazer with this hostel we aren't due to
leave until tomorrow. Kelly doesnt seem to be getting any better so we have
put the trip back to the 2nd, just to be on the safe side. Kelly stayed in
bed while the world cup final was on so things aren't looking up at all.

Watched the final with a load of Germans too. They were the biggest 70's
throw backs i've ever come across. They didn't even know how funny they
looked. it wasn't the shoes or clothes that did it...
...it was the natural eye liner look around the eyes... the beards and hair
cuts of abba and you could almost hear the porn star music follow them
wherever they walked... lock up your daughters i tells ya !!
I began a conversation with them and it ended after one sentence....because
i had heard all i wanted to hear.
"so what did you think of the game against Ireland ?"
" Well.. we thought you guys should have won!"
.... end of conversation. I didn't need to hear anything else my mission was
accomplished.. i was amazed at the speed of it too. They tried to explain
why they thought they played so bad but my ears were shut and i only heard
what i wanted to hear... "Yes i am handsome thanks...yes i will take that
$20"...Brazil didn't let me down.

01/07/02
Kellys condition had now reached a level for a visit to the Dr. We wanted to
move to a double room where she could rest. So when we went up to get the
room there was none available...ok!!
Now to give a bit of background here, we had already splashed out $150 each
on the trip to frazer Island with the same crowd...and we had postponed the
trip the day before already and needed to do the same today...
onward...so...
There was $150 in there bank thanks to us, and we wanted a room ..they
didn't have one..fair enough.. so we asked if we could book a room for the
next night..again there was not a problem with this so we did.
I was back packing up the bags, while Kelly was arranging all this.. so
Kelly told them that we would be back tomorrow and that we would stay
elsewhere for tonight..problem!!
They wanted to take our key deposits off us... because we were late checking
out..
I went up and kept the cool while i stressed the owner out, i was trying to
explain that there was a new variable called sickness that changed a lot of
circumstances..also the fact remained that we didn't want to leave but we
had to because they had no rooms for my 'sick' girlfriend...and that we have
shown that we want to give them our business tomorrow night and also on the
trip to the island by booking a room and by paying respectively... this
didn't wash at all... she was the most difficult woman i have ever dealt
with..but i took enjoyment out of watching her stress out... she threw the
rules at me while i threw common sense..
The funny thing is that even though she was adamant about keeping our key
deposits she still thought that we would come back the next night and go on
the trip...no no no no no...
'Money back please on the trip'.. this actually threw her.. and then she
tried to tell me that i wasn't entitled to a full refund..again common sense
against rules but this time i threatned her with a legal statment about a
doctors letter...che ching!! full refund given.. she was getting skinnier by
the minute.... next...
I had a sleeping bag which i was owed $15 dollars on but she didn't want to
give that back either without a receipt.. i knowingly had the receipt in my
wallet but asked her a couple of questions about what would happen if i
didn't find it..."you loose your money".."well it's lucky i have it here
then isn't it".. the woman was totally sick... and for the final statement
whilst walking out the door..." Thank you very much..you've been very very
helpful and i cant wait to recommend you to everyone i see"
Moved to a place called the 'friendly hostel' ...and it is just
that..friendly.

02/07/02
Got talking to a nice dutchhhhhh Guurl. She works as a sex advisor. Pretty
cool job...have to work out a way of bringing that up in a conversation. Sat
around and read through Lord of the rings...

03/07/02
Tried to bring up the conversation of work with the sex advisor. I wanted to
know what kind of problems she solved, did she talk with many people a week,
what are the main prolems, were there many gay couples visiting her ? what
about lesbian more importantly ?
So, with Kelly sitting on one side of me and Dr Ruth on the other i thought
of a plan..
"so do you go back to the same job ?"
Then Kelly asked inquisitively "Oh what do you work at ?"
....."a sex advisor ?"

"no! no!.. a tax advisor".. doh...foiled again! Of course all the questions
i had ready to ask still applied but somehow i dont think the answers would
have appealed as much. Damm that Dutch accent...still i now know how to say
"i like pancakes" in dutch!!

04/07/02
Nothing of interest to speak of apart from my new found experiments with
cooking. as we have a kitchen and plenty of time on our hands while Kelly
recovers i've become a chef. Yes with classic numbers being produced such as
spagetti bolongase (excuse the smelling misplakes here please),which
involves getting the spagetti and the bolongase right , i'll have you
know..it's not just one dish!! Then there was the steak (easy) and last
THai green curry which i am quite proud of. It was so good the first night
that we decided another night of it wouldn't be bad. A german woman even
asked if she could have some. Bad mistake. Myself and Kelly were sitting
there uncomfortably later on trying to let the farts out as quitely as
possible, and im sure she was the same. At one point the whole sitting room
was cleared out!! I think Kelly is getting better...whatever it was making
her sick im sure it got let out!

09/07/02 - 11/07/02 Frazer Island

Well just back from an amazing 3 day trip on an amazing Island. Only a half
hour ferry ride away but the difference felt like half a world away. It was
without doubt the best 3 days since i've been away. A bit of background for
those of you not lucky enough to have seen it.
It's basically the worlds largest sand island, 120km in length and 30 km
wide ( i think). Which equates to pure sand...everywhere. Included with the
sand are blue and green lakes, rainforest, 75 mile long beach and home to
the dingos, snakes, spiders etc. It's not recommended to swim in the sea as
anything you can think of is in there....

Anyway upon arriving you get to seem some lakes and are given the talk about
dingos and how to deal with them if you are approached. 12 months ago they
killed a child so it didn't really inspire confidence, also no matter what
you can't turn your back on them, you have to confront them.

The first day is kind of a get to know everyone day and a few drinks always
helps that one. Of course the sites you see gives you something to talk
about too.

They say a picture tells a thousand words, but you could take a thousand
pictures here and it still wouldn't do justice. So i dont want to try and
describe everything as i haven't got the time and i dont think i would be
able to keep you awake anyway. Please use vivid imagination and include
white sand, turquise waters and rainforests.

The other people with us were all pretty sound except for mr. closet
camp-gay australia. Yes Priscillia was a real pain in the ( or someone
else's ) arse. He goes by the name of Anthony..sorry dad but i didn't
christen him!...there wasn't anything this little gay bast*rd could be told.
He knew it all , or at least he thought he did. The rest of the group was
made up of two funny swiss girls, a german and a non-gay australian.

At ngith we'd all swap storis and the subject of teeth extraction came up.
"Big Gay al" started talking about the time he had his wisdom teeth out and
of the bruise he had at the side of his face. It was fading to a yellow
colour. He didn't think one day when he put on a yellow shirt going to
work,and , " Oh my god!, it so clashed with my bruise","oh the shame of it!"
.... Does this fella kiss his mother with those lips?
....of course he came out with other such beauties like " I don't have many
friends..." ..no real suprises here..."..but the ones i do have we are very
close"...please spare me the details !...then there was this..

" i know there is a girl out there for me but i just haven't found here
yet"..well at 32 years of age you're not gonna find here in the men's
toilets ye big steamer! I don't know if he was trying to fool us or himself
but i can assure you both parties were't buying it.

Day two started off with a bang and just got better and better.
A dingo ran passed our door and naturally ( after the stern talking we were
given about them) i grabbed my camera and ran after him, but by the time i
got out the door he was gone. i ran down towards the beachfront but he was
gone. After five mins of looking up and down the beach something caught my
eye at sea..a mermaid!! No,but im just checking to see if you are still with
me.
No more than 5 meters out at sea there was a humpback whale swimming
parallel to the beach. I couldn't believe it was in so near. What a sight to
see such power moving. Blow hole , followed by fin, followed by tail.
I was watching the what whilst unbeknown to me i was being watched by the
dingo i ran after. When i turned around after the whale had moved out of
sight, there he was no more than 10 feet away and getting nearer.
Of course i knoew exactly what i was going to do.. being a man of the bush
and all that but it's really hard to run in flip flops so i had to stand
there like they tell you. You have to keep eye contact but first i had to
take the photo. He got to 5 feet , snap, eye balling started..no imediate
joy here, he thought he was in with a chance but he didn't know that i had
my Richie Samora(or whatever his name is), Karate kid number up my sleve. So
i spread the arms in the air and began walking towards him and he backed
off. If he had bothered to use his nose he would have sussed me out...but
anyway back to the room for a clean pair of pants and we were away again.

Spotting whale after whale , eventually everyone believed that i had in fact
seen one. Myself and Kelly took a joy flight over the island later on where
we got the aireal view of the humpbacks and could make out their real size.
This was mindblowing, 30 and 40 footers moving together up the straights.
Tiger sharks too in crystal clear waters. Then we turned inland over the
rainforest which looks like a canopy of broccoli from above, with breaks of
massive sand dunes and lakes.

Later we swam in fresh water creeks where the flow just carries you out
towards the sea.
Got another elevated view of the ocean from Indian head and then on to the
champagne pools where the sea spills over into rocks big enough to swim in.
All in all we counted over 15 whales but the best was towards the end of the
day when the started jumping up out of the water. some sat sideways lifting
their fins in the air as if waving at the shore, only to smash them into the
sea seconds later.
Satisfied that we'd seen it all we headed homeward, stopping off along the
way monitoring the 100's of fisherman on the beach...and there we where
given on last suprise before the sun went down.
A 12ft tiger shark swam in behind the fishermen, after a fish in 2 ft of
water. He was almost completey out of the water, it was amazing how he could
make his way around. At that moment when the fishermen spotted him behind
them, there was an abundance of brown trout caught !!
They would have been chomped if thats what the shark wanted, you should have
seen them trying to get out of the way.
It's a sight i will take with me to the grave... i'll have to because by the
time i jumped out of the van and into the water ( don't i sound so macho
here!!) he was gone... no photo's.

The next day just couldn't top it...nothing could. Got up to watch the
sunrise on the beach and myself and Kelly were approached by two dingos.
After seeing a shark the day before we just laughed at them...but then we
got over that one and got an attack of the sh*ts... time for the confronting
thingy! Word must have spread to the others about the "Richie move" because
these boys just legged it... i was ok though after i jumped into Kellys
arms.
time for one last swim and then home... it was all unreal. While we all
reflected on the past 3 days over a coffee...Anthony was munching on a
gaytime lolly pop. Honestly this boy just keeps on sending out those
messages... Maybe this may sound like a bit of homophobia here...it isn't
he's just a steamer and thats the end of it. I know and like ( although not
too much) plenty of gay people. So i dont want a hard time about Priscilla!!

anyway i think it's time to cut this one short... i have't got the time to
keep going so ill leave this at the 11th.

We are in Surfers paradise now duuuuuuuuuuuuudddddddddeeeeeeeeesss...but
more on that next time.

All the best

Butch Harmon.